A new island rises between Britain and Europe

A new island has mysteriously popped up in the Channel between Britain and France. The island is all stone, rising 500 feet, creating a wall around the interior—a sight reminiscent of Lord of the Rings (which was filmed in New Zealand, so think of the Kiwis as you gaze across the choppy seas of mythology).

Satellites cannot see what lies within the island’s interior, except for more craggy and black stone. “A strange shining red light… like a warning of something soon to come,” said one rock-ologist (possibly a lost song by the B52s).

The island has been nicknamed “Brexit,” serving as a symbolic barrier between Britain and Europe. Some experts believe that if it remains unexplored, unclassified, and left to exist, it may become a lingering concern for the MPs who continue to debate Britain’s mightiness, the greatness of Churchill, the love for their queen, and why Avalon shouldn’t reduce itself to being just another European country.

Meanwhile, as Russia amasses its army along all its borders…

A spokesperson for all things islands stated, “Remember this… during the years when Britain was an empire, a tiny Austrian man with a funny mustache dropped V2 rockets on the heart of that empire. And all the Brits could do was fly Spitfires at the rockets… planes with propellers versus falling bombs that go BOOM! They lost America… how can they be trusted with the future?”

The island known as Brexit still stands, silent and forbidding, much like Arnold Böcklin’s painting “Isle of the Dead” (Böcklin being Swiss). Switzerland knows a thing or two about staying firm and strong amidst the sea of Europe, holding all the Nazi money, enduring for 500 years, even when the continent is at war around it and all the Humpty Dumpty’s are falling down…