The Fog In London Is So Thick Blackbirds Are Actually Eating It

London’s latest pea-souper has been as thick as a Christmas pudding these past few days.

Meteorologists blame the Swiss stimulus clouds for causing havoc with the British sky.

The fog is rated as a 10+ on the Cholmondeley scale and is so thick that yellow-beaked English blackbirds are eating it up. It’s giving them much-needed sustenance, making up for the decline in smoking rates and the lack of fag-ends and ash which makes up their normal diet.

Bird experts across the United Kingdom say that many of the “Blackies,” as the birds are affectionately known by Cockney sparrows, are becoming quite scrawny, and some are starting to resemble stick insects.

Meanwhile, King Charles III, is exploring options to tackle the thick fog, including enlisting the help of eccentric inventor Professor Wilbur Windbag of Windy Chicken Cottage, Isle of Wight, who claims he can disperse the fog using a giant hair dryer and a rubber chicken.

The inventor stated, waving his hands wildly in the air, “The rubber chicken is crucial, you see. It’s a secret ingredient that amplifies the drying power of the hair dryer by 10,000 percent!”