Teasmaid going to its sixth car boot sale

Teasmaid Jacqui Smith has returned unsold from her fifth car boot sale and will be trying again tomorrow. The relic of a bygone era, car boot sales were the old-school eBay, without all of the palavers of postage.

Jacqui, who has been sadly gathering dust along with an old Betamax Video and a Toby Jug in her owner’s garage, takes up the sad saga.

“Yes, it all seemed a bit of fun to begin with,” she sighed. “I was lifted up from my shelf, dusted down, and plugged in. It has been years since I have been treated like that, I mean being turned on. It was nice, but then the truth sank in. The first time I went out was with Barry the Blackboard, and he never returned. Then it was Sid the Sodastream, and some grotty little child bought him. It was such a tragic waste. It wasn’t just my owner, though. Everyone was there. Such a waste of items they used to find useful. I mean, in my heyday, I was the thing they looked forward to using, and now, what are we?”

Owner William Gavinscon said, “Well, if it doesn’t sell this time, it’s off to the skip with it, I’m afraid.”

“It?” asked Jacqui angrily. “What am I? The cat’s mother?”